Thoughts

I've been thinking again this week that God doesn't owe me a "healed Annie." I talk a lot in this blog that God CAN heal Annie. And, of course, we know from personal experience with Bill's healing from the Parkinsonism, PSP, that He can. But He doesn't owe us that, and in fact, He may not heal her more than He has already, which, in the scope of brain injury, is a lot.

But I need to remind myself every day that whether or not He heals Annie may not be the point at all in this whole experience. Annie's destiny is secure--she very early declared her faith in Jesus to save her. But will she ever be able to walk and talk and sing and dance again on this earth? God doesn't owe that to me. C.S. Lewis said in "A Grief Observed" that God "can't be used as a road. If you're approaching Him not as the goal but as a road, not as the end but as a means, you're not really approaching Him at all." So in this process of illness, chronic health problems, and healing, I need to remember that God is not my Santa in the sky. He's God.

On the other hand, one of my favorite prayers in the Bible is when Daniel said, "O my God, incline Your ear and hear; open Your eyes and see our desolations, and the city which is called by Your name; for we do not present our supplications before You because of our righteous deeds, but because of Your great mercies." Daniel 9:18

So, I'll keep asking for Jesus to heal Annie--not because of my righteous deeds, but because of His great mercies. And because I know He can.

Jean